Getting an email from my ex-husband\u2019s new wife was unexpected. Getting an email with a $5,000 bill attached was even worse.<\/p>\n
The bill listed \u201cexpenses caused by me\u201d during my marriage to Matt.<\/p>\n
We\u2019d been divorced for two years, and I had moved on. I loved my quiet life and had no interest in Matt\u2019s new marriage to Stephanie.<\/p>\n
Matt and I had divorced because I eventually realized I wasn\u2019t his wife\u2014I was basically his mother. He left dirty clothes everywhere, ignored chores, lost his job, and expected me to handle everything from bills to doctor appointments.<\/p>\n
After our divorce, Matt married Stephanie.<\/p>\n
Before their wedding, Stephanie actually called me asking for photos of Matt and me for their wedding slideshow, along with details about his favorite foods and hobbies so she could \u201cpersonalize\u201d her vows.<\/p>\n
I politely refused.<\/p>\n
I thought that was the end of it.<\/p>\n
Then, a month later, I received her invoice.<\/p>\n
She charged me $300 for Matt\u2019s glasses because I supposedly failed to notice his eyesight getting worse, $2,500 for a new wardrobe, $200 for therapy, $500 for a fitness coach, $1,000 for a mattress, and $100 for a meal-planning course.<\/p>\n
Total: over $5,000.<\/p>\n
Her message was simple: \u201cAs his wife, I\u2019ve invested heavily in fixing him. It\u2019s only fair you contribute.\u201d<\/p>\n
I stared at the screen in disbelief.<\/p>\n
I could have written an angry response.<\/p>\n
Instead, I decided to have some fun.<\/p>\n
I sent her a counter-invoice.<\/p>\n
I charged $10,000 for managing the household while Matt played video games, $15,000 for emotional labor, and $5,000 for the years I spent listening to his ridiculous business ideas.<\/p>\n
Total: $30,000. Payable by next Friday.<\/strong><\/p>\n Then I CC\u2019d a few mutual friends.<\/p>\n Within hours, my phone exploded.<\/p>\n \u201cEmma, this is legendary!\u201d<\/p>\n Stephanie was furious. She tried explaining herself, but somehow every explanation made her look worse.<\/p>\n Then Matt called.<\/p>\n \u201cEmma\u2026 I\u2019m sorry. I had no idea she\u2019d do that.\u201d<\/p>\n It was the first apology I had ever received from him.<\/p>\n I laughed.<\/p>\n \u201cMatt, it\u2019s fine. Just make sure you pay that invoice.\u201d<\/p>\n A few weeks later, someone asked him at a party if he had paid me for all that \u201cemotional labor.\u201d<\/p>\n His face turned bright red, and he left.<\/p>\n Now, whenever Stephanie\u2019s name comes up, someone inevitably says:<\/p>\n \u201cOh, you mean the one with the bill?\u201d<\/p>\n And honestly?<\/p>\n I regret nothing.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Getting an email from my ex-husband\u2019s new wife was unexpected. Getting an email with a $5,000 bill attached was even worse. The bill listed \u201cexpenses caused by me\u201d during my marriage to Matt. We\u2019d been divorced for two years, and I had moved on. I loved my quiet life and had no interest in Matt\u2019s…<\/p>\n