Most of us know what it’s like to face other people’s opinions about having children. Society still quietly expects everyone to get a job, meet a partner, marry, and have kids—so couples who choose not to often feel pressured to justify themselves. And when people don’t understand that choice, their personal questions can be uncomfortable and intrusive.
Ironically, not having children is sometimes labeled selfish—yet when couples who seem “different” want children, that judgment can quickly flip.
Over 20 years ago, Patti White from California learned that her daughter Lisa, who has Down syndrome, was pregnant. Lisa’s condition is often misunderstood; many people with Down syndrome can live independently, work, and care for themselves. Still, it’s uncommon for two people with Down syndrome to have a child since men with Down syndrome rarely father children.
Patti was shocked but fully supported Lisa’s decision to keep the baby. At 29, Lisa had her own apartment, had lived independently for 11 years, and worked full-time at Goodwill. She was in a relationship with a man who also had Down syndrome, and Patti had talked with her about birth control and safe sex—believing, like many, that men with Down syndrome were typically infertile.
Then one day, Patti received an excited voicemail: “Hi mum, you’re going to be a GRANDMOTHER!”
Although outsiders criticized Lisa’s decision as irresponsible, her family stood by her. Lisa had a fairly typical pregnancy, though it was considered high-risk. Her son, Nic, was born four weeks early and, like his parents, had Down syndrome. Lisa and Nic’s father tried living together but eventually separated, and Nic’s father passed away when Nic was five.
Raised by Lisa and Patti, Nic grew into a confident, accomplished young man. Some friends distanced themselves from Lisa during her pregnancy, but none of that mattered in the long run. Nic thrived—he later graduated from college and deeply appreciates the women who raised him.
“I have two moms,” he said. “My mom Lisa is my greatest future. She gave me life and love, and she is always wonderful.”
In 2016, Patti shared a photo of Lisa and Nic with a heartfelt message:
“This is my daughter, Lisa, clowning with her son, Nic. They both have Down Syndrome… She’ll turn 50 and he’ll turn 20. Our goal when she became pregnant was for her to know him and have a relationship with him. After all these years, they’ve overcome the odds and share tremendous love as their own little family.”
